date night #1
10:45 p.m. on January 08, 2007
we had our first official date night since Naima's arrival.
it was extremely hard for me. i kept stalling secretly wishing abel would forget. he remembered. we went.
they were simple plans. dinner, a movie and back home. thankfully, i stalled enough to skip dinner and go straight to the movie.
on the ride over there i was quiet, just thinking of Naima. abel asked if i was ok and i told him the truth. it's hard leaving her. i don't like going out without Baby. he agreed. i guess i just have to learn to get used to it. he agreed again.
i just kept thinking...i didn't have a child to leave her behind. i didn't have a child to leave her with a babysitter. and, yea, i know, it wasn't just any old stranger babysitter. and we didn't have to take her out of the house or leave her overnight anywhere. she was in her own house with my mom. but it was still hard. in my mind i kept going over the thought of how i used to go out all the time...on planned outtings...on the whim...just up and go. and yea we had lots of fun doing all the things we did but i was also very sad...missing Mia...wanting another baby.
the other day abel, Naima and i were out having dinner at a semi-nice, sit-down restaurant. after a long wait we had finally gotten our food and Naima was starting to get fussy. i quickly scarffed my food down not really tasting or savoring it just swallowing it all down practically in one swoop. i wanted to be quick so that i could get her out of the baby seat and into my arms to play. after i pushed my empty plate away to get her i thought out loud there once was a time when i ate at a normal pace and had an opportunity to actually taste my food. abel laughed and agreed. but then i added but it was also a very sad time. a time i don't ever want to go back to. i may have been able to eat my food and enjoy it but i didn't have Naima either. i'd much rather have a happy heart than a happy stomach.
i guess that's how i feel about going out. i had my chance to party it up. we've had several years of life as a childless couple (more than we even wanted). now it's time for life as a couple with a child...with children. so what does that really look like? does it mean we have to stay home every night? no, i don't think so. right now that she's only a baby, it probably does. i don't know. all i know is that it's just really hard for me to leave her. if it were up to me, i wouldn't...ever. but i know it's not healthy to not have some alone time. and i think abel really wants it and needs it as well. and so because of that i will try to make that effort to have more date nights. they'll probably be short but i'll try to make them sweet as well.
