Naima's baptism & early christmas decorating
11:12 p.m. on November 20, 2006
Naima was baptised this saturday. it was a beautiful day and a memorable event.
i teared up several times but managed to keep the sadness at bay. i thought of Mia the whole time...wondered if she was with us...wondered if she was with her little sister. but i mostly thought about Naima and why we were doing this.
i know what it's like to live angry at Him...to live without Hope...to live deep in pessimism...to have a heart heavy with anger...and i never, never want Naima to live a moment of those feelings and emotions ever. i had to literally tell myself that Mia's passing was something unexplainable...something no one was at fault for...something that would never have answers. i had to force myself to keep believing...to clutch onto Hope when i felt it slipping away...to remember my faith. and even though i wasn't raised in the church and didn't go to sunday mass ever week, i think my parents did a good job of teaching me to believe in Him and His goodness. and that's what i want for Naima. if nothing else, i hope she gets that at least.
the day was a beautiful one. Naima was going to be dunked in the baptismal fountain and she needed to be undressed down to a pamper before she got dunked. as we started to undress her abel and i instantly noticed a very familiar smell. yup, that's right, my baby girl decided it was a perfect time to pootie right before she got dunked in the water.
abel and i quickly got a pamper out and tried to change her fast. THANK GOODNESS it was a small firm ball of a pootie and not her usual runny sloppy mess!
i was trying to play with her right before it was her time to make sure she was smiling and happy. i was scared she was going to freak out at seeing some stranger holding her then dunking her in the water. she was being such a good baby, playing with her rosary but i was worried that happy demeanor would changed after the water dunking.
but, i was wrong and she was a doll! she took it all in stride. it was like nothing to her. she looked at the deacon, looked at the pool of water, almost turned to take a dive into the water and just laughed as she was dunked in the water. it was too cute and she was too cool!
after that it was nothing but pictures...
one with the padrinos...
one with abuelita and abuelito...
one with the grandparents...
and, of course, one with mommy and daddy. i wanted her dress to be personal...one that she would keep forever and maybe pass down to her child oen day...and i wanted it to be special so i decided to make it myself. what would've taken my mom less than an hour to complete took me 2 days. it was difficult but with my mom's guidance i was able to make something special for my baby girl. i do hope she'll treasure it..
that night, after everyone had left, i couldn't wait any longer. even though abel tried to get me to wait at least until thanksgiving, i simply couldn't wait any longer...i had to start putting up the christmas tree. it has always been tradition in our house to put the tree up and all christmas decor the day of or day after thanksgiving. but this year i just couldn't wait another week. when the last couple of years the holidays were days of torture...days i tried to fast-forward through...days i hid in depression away from the world...this year i want it to be different. this year i want to feel the happiness that the holidays should be again. i want to see it through the eyes of a child again...the eyes of my child.
it was so nice decorating the tree while Naima playing on the floor next to me. my mom and abel watched as Naima and i both got into the boxes of decorations.
apparantly, Naima is making it real easy for us this year. instead of all the latest toys, all we really need to get her is a box or two to play with...SHE LOVES THEM ALL!
i can't wait for the holidays this year. i can't wait to be able to smile again and truly say, Merry Christmas!"
