on getting more in debt and insane anxieties
10:37 p.m. on July 29, 2006
it has been a difficult week. and as it comes to an end it's only getting more difficult.
first, to start the week off on a roll, abel's truck gets totalled. coming home from school on monday someone plowed into him while he waited in traffic on 1604...the highway we affectionately call "the deathloop".
thankfully, he is ok...sore and a little achy but fine. his truck, on the other hand, is dead. basically, he was slammed so hard his two air bags deployed and the bed of the truck was bent over to make a nissan taco. the insurance declared it a total loss and abel watched his beloved truck get towed away to the graveyard of automobiles.
another thanfully, the careless driver had insurance and our truck was worth way more than what we still owed on it and we got just enough in the settlement to get ourselves more in debt...more on that later.
after a week of trying to find a dentist here in town to take out the stitches the dentist from mexico left in abel we finally decided to go to corpus to get the work done. it was supposed to be a day trip...just in and out...get the stitches out, visit family really quick then come home. the day trip turned out to be a 2-day trip with the purchase of a brand new truck...this is where the "getting ourselves more in debt" comes in.
just as we were about to leave we see a comercial about low low price reductions at the local nissen dealer. and, as if the Gods of automotive heaven were playing us like pawns, the very next minute we get the call from the insurance about the payout for the truck.
so, with the check practially in the bank, a really well-timed nissen commercial and abel's pouty face of i-don't-have-my-truck-and-i-need-another-one-now we were off to, i repeat, get ourselves more in debt.
it was a good deal, as abel always seems to fanagel. we went from a 2000 nissen frontier to a 2006 niseen fronteir with our payments only going up $50. after abel and the bank worked their mysterious numbers magic i just wanted to know the bottom line...what is our monthly payment going to be now??? and as i said, my darling husband was able to get a very good deal i was happy with.
but somehow, no matter how good a deal is, i always seem to leave a car dealership with the feeling that i'm being screwed...royally. is that everyone or just me?
i also had a tearful meltdown in front of everyone about leaving Naima. i have been crying about leaving her for about a month now but it has always been when i'm alone with her here at home. this time i had an audience and it wasn't pretty.
we had to go to the dealership but Naima was taking a nap. my mom said it was fine to leave her there with her so she could finish her nap and abel and i looked at trucks. she kept telling me to go...just go...but i couldn't. i felt the tears welling up and lost control of them. the feelings i had as my mother tried to get me out of the house leaving Naima behind were very familiar and none i want to re-live. i was instantly taken back to the day we had to leave Mia...she was gone and it was time to leave. i felt my heart being ripped out of me then and that sick feeling re-appeared this weekend as they tried to get me to leave Naima. i know the two instances are totally different...i know i will be coming back to Naima but i still can't help feeling the same sick, suffocating feeling.
abel hugged me and knew exactly what to do and what not to say. he simply gave me a hug and said nothing. my mother tried to laugh it off but saw it wasn't working. so, in the end we ALL went to the dealership. Naima didn't even wake up until we came back home.
i don't know how i'm going to do it this coming tuesday when i go back to work. i try and try so hard to get myself geared up for that morning when i have to hand her over to my mom but instead of getting used to the idea i just keep crying about it.
dear God, please help me survive the stupid 8hr work day and a little help to get through this insane anxiety i have about leaving my baby girl would be great too.
