Dear Naima, 3 months old
9:17 p.m. on July 24, 2006
Dear Naima,
you're 3 months old now and i'm trying to figure out a way to go back in time. just far back enough to hold you as a teeny-tiny baby again. i look at you now and wonder how it is that you grew so much in such little time. it has to be while you're asleep because during the day i have my eye on you every second just admiring every bit of you.
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there's a part of me that wants you to stay a little baby in my arms for ever. but then there's another part of me that wants to see you grow up to be the person you're destined to be. i wonder what your first words will be....i wonder when you'll start walking...i wonder when you'll start running and where you'll be off to.
so, at 3 months you made your first international trip. we were brave enough to take you on the 5hr drive down to the valley and across the border to mexico. what an adventure!
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daddy got two of wisdom teeth pulled out while the rest of us went shopping in mexico. so now daddy has 3 teeth less in his mouth and you have a brand new dress with mexican embroidery. also, now the joke around here is that you'll have more teeth than your daddy by the time you're 2yrs old.
bath time for you is still one of my favorite times. you still enjoy it and i do to. this weekend abuelita and abuelita grande both got to give you a bath but this time it was in the kitchen sink. thank goodness you didn't think it was also time to do a pootie!
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i have less than a week left of my summer vacation with you. this brings me to tears every time i think of it. i can't bring myself to think it will be ok to leave you for 8 hours a day. i mean, logically i know it will be ok but emotionally i just can't seem to wrap my brain around that. every day now for the past three months i have been with you 24hrs a day. i have fed you, napped with you, carried you, put you to sleep...every day it has been just you and me during the day...and i have loved every minute of it all.
i used to think i would need to be a working mom. that no way could i leave my career. that i would need to do both or else i would go nuts. but now...after loosing Mia and having you i'm so not that person anymore.
i can't even remember what i do at work anymore. i've been trying to get mentally prepared for the upcoming week and started thinking about work but for the life of me i can't remember what it is i do at the beginning of the new year. and then i start to think of you and what you'll be doing without me and that's when the tears well up.
i know there is no way around it. i have to go back to work. i just hope that time will fly by and that i will survive.
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i know you're going to be safe and will be well taken care of. your abuelita has sold all of her property and packed up to live with us and take care of you. she'll be teaching you spanish, how to sew and how to cook and clean. i'm greatful that we don't have to put you in a daycare or leave you with a stranger...you'll be here in your own home with your abuelita...that does bring me a little peace of mind.
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