baby showers
9:43 p.m. on March 20, 2006
i've survived two baby showers. yes, "survive" is the correct word. i never thought i would actually have one but after talking with abel and my mother i finally agreed to have not only one but two.
having a baby shower for Naima on Mia's birthday was difficult but nice. i know Mia would've wanted the day to be spent happy instead of crying and depressed in bed. and having a baby shower with all of our friends and family was the only way to get me out of bed that day. we included Mia in the day by passing out a little poem i wrote. it made me very happy to see and hear everyone remember my baby girl.
so many of our friends and family were here all wanting nothing but the best for us. that was nice as well. we got so many things we needed for baby. her room officially looks like a big bottle of pepto exploded in there....it's adorable.
and today the teachers at my school got together to give me another little baby shower. they were all very nice as well making sure to let me know that this miracle baby would be coming home with us.
so now we have so many baby things...diapers, blankets, onesies, bottles, wipies...that i'm both relieved yet also completely nervous all over again. i'm scared of having all all these things all over the house and jammed packed in her room and then have the worst of the worst happen again and again we're left with all these things and no baby. i know i shouldn't think like this but all of these baby things all over the place is daunting after having lost a child. i see the stroller already assembled in the living room and i think...aww, she's going to look so adorable in that....then i freak out and think...OMG! get that thing out of here until the baby actually gets here!
the twice a week NSTs and u/s are comforting. if i didn't have those i would have NEVER been able to send back my babybeat doppler yesterday. yes, i was getting to listen and see the baby twice a week at the hospital and yet i still couldn't tear myself away from the babybeat. abel finally had to just send it back himself.
and now added to those twice a week visits and the once a week visit with my OB, i'm also seeing the peri once a week as well. and am i finally able to relax and think completely positive about the remainder of this pregnancy? no, not at all.
but i'm also very fortunate to have abel by my side as well. he's such a positive person when it comes to this. he refuses to think negatively...i guess i do enough of that for the both of us. and i'm so thankful for having him as my partner. when he sees me get nervous around all of the baby things he jokes and says, Naima isn't even here yet and her room is already a mess AND she's got more clothes than i do! geez, i love this man!
