NST & u/s = 30wks, 6dys
9:18 p.m. on March 03, 2006
it was another good report today. heartbeat stayed between 145-155. it's amazing how amazing and relaxing those short 20 minutes are. in those 20 minutes i can sit and listen to my baby girl's heartbeat and the world around me seems to disappear. i can't even hear the nurse talking to me. everything just dissolves and i'm in a trance little to that beautiful heart beating.
and the BEST news today was during the u/s. i was able to see that *Naima* is finally head down! YAY!!! my baby girl listened to mommy and moved herself into position! i know she can still move herself in any other position but for now we know she's where she should be.
on the disturbing side of today...mom called asking me if i had any safety pins. she ordered me to pin three safety pins on my waist ban at all times for the next month. i hesitated but asked why. apparantly there is an eclipse for the next month and that's bad for the baby and wearing the three safety pins will help protect the baby.
i was silent after her explanation but she quickly added..."i know you don't believe in anything like that but just do it. it won't hurt so you better just do it."
first, she's right. i don't believe in that crap. aren't children all over the world conceived, surviving in utero, and born during an eclipse all the time? and if this eclipse is so bad for the baby then i'm supposed to believe in and put all my faith that three tiny little safety pins can hold all the magical protection my baby needs to stay safe and healthy?!?!?
second, is this really something i should be hearing? after losing my child two years ago should i really be hearing about supernatural dangers for my unborn child? i mean, doesn't she know i already have my own psychotic assumptions and scenarios of how things can go horribly horribly wrong!?!?
and what's even more twisted is that after having that conversation with my mother and rolling my eyes i still came home and considered looking for my safety pins. even though i don't hold much faith in the the stupid safety pins...even though i don't believe in any of this...i still want to run and make a whole belt and underwear set out of safety pins and never take them off for the next two months!
that's just how terrified i am.
