27wks and counting
10:29 a.m. on January 29, 2006
27wks. wow. sometimes i can't believe i'm this far along and then there are times when i fear that it'll all come crashing down any day now. the latter happens more often than not. and when i get those pessimistic thoughts of doom i have to quickly tell myself in a stern voice, "we WILL bring this baby home, alive and well, so just STOP IT!" it's amazing how i have to TELL myself that. how i have to literally say it in my mind and sometimes even out loud. signs of of a schizo?
but it is amazing how far along i am. i keep telling myself it's only 3 more weeks and IF i go into pre-term labor the baby will have a good chance of surviving at 30wks. not that i want to deliver that early but i'm looking at the positves if that happens. and once i get to that 30wks the big countdown to 37wks will begin. i refuse to go the full 40wks. i'm going to beg Dr. Ego to PLEASE induce early as long as there is lung maturity. hopefully he'll have some compassion for me and understand my need and agree to do it.
on another note, i'm really getting annoyed with all of the gender predictions people are giving me without me asking for them. so many people will just come up to me and definitively say, "you're having a BOY. your body says it!" or "you're having a GIRL. i just know it!" supposedly, you're having a girl when you're really really big all over your body. and it's a boy if you're only big in the belly. and some have said that i'm a lot smaller now in this pregnancy. well, the reason I was so big with Mia was because I had excessive amniotic fluid because Mia's CDH didn't allow her to swallow it correctly. plus Mia was not a big baby. it may have looked like I was carrying a 9lb baby but it was all water. so there goes that theory. i know they're just having some fun with figuring out the sex and everything but I don't want to hear it. i get really weird when people give me their 2cents when i don't even ask for it. there is a reason why we're not finding out the sex...BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
abel and i have tried twice to arrange the baby's room. so far we just go in there and fall asleep on the twin bed in there just staring at all the things untouched. it was a big step just going into the room. i still see it as Mia's room even though she never got to spend time in it. i still see Mia in everything we have in there because everything is Mia's in there. the room is covered in pink and it's beautiful. i don't know how I'm going to take everything down if we do have a boy. i know I don't want to give anything away but it's so cold to just put everything in a box and lock it away. we've talked about building a pretty cedar chest, painting it white, putting all of her things in there and keeping it in our bedroom. and as nice as that sounds I still can't imagine taking anything down. i just cry when i have to think about it, which is why we haven't been able to touch a thing when we've gone in there. i'm hoping this little Baby will give me the strength to know what to do and to take the steps to do it.
we took another big step the other day. we actually registered at Target Baby. the entire time i was so nervous just looking at all the baby things. we didn't pick any bedding or gender based things because we still don't know if Baby is a he or she. we just stuck to the necessities and that was scary enough. i kept thinking, "oh we'll need this and it'll be nice to have that." but then my next thought was, "if the baby comes home." and then i would get mad at myself for even thinking like that or for jinxing us with for even starting the baby registry! i swear Dr. Phil would go nuts if he spent just 5min inside my head!
anyway, we registered and that in itself was a big accomplishment. we were both very apprehensive doing it but there was some excitement at the same time. and now we wait for Baby to arrive so we can really go nuts shopping!
