new year's 2005
6:42 p.m. on January 04, 2006
New Years Eve was nice. Some old friends from corpus came to spend the weekend with us and it was nice. It was nice to see them again and reconnect. But it was also nice to spend the evening quiet and at home. it was a little difficult to be around their little girl. she's a precious little 2yr old. but seeing her play and be with her mommy only reminded me of Mia and how Mia and i would have been together. i was also reminded of how bothered i get when i see able hold other little girls. again, i thought, he should be holding our little girl...he should be playing and kissing and hugging OUR little girl. yes, it was difficult. but even still, i did enjoy spending time with old friends and getting to know that precious little girl.
Abel was begging to pop some fireworks and I gave in. I was scared with our luck he would be the only on our block to cause a fire and get arrested. Plus with all the wild fires going around in Texas I was sure abel would be the cause of one in the new year! But, except for frightening the dog enough to stay inside, all went well and we had a beautiful show of fireworks on our front porch.
I was worried new year’s eve because the baby wasn’t as active. After making the last post about baby being thumpy, the next day there was little activity. I thought, oh yea now I really jinxed myself. But THANK GOD for the goodness that is the babybeat. I must have left that thing attached to myself all night when I went to bed. Hearing that little heartbeat is the only thing that will calm my fears for now. But now thumpy is stomping like crazy. Every single time I move from side to side I get a thump. And I after I eat I’m sure to get some more sweet little thumps.
i'm 22wks and all i keep thinking is of our next big obstacle to overcome. i think of at least reaching 26wks where viability is a lot better. though 36wks is a lot better than 26wks, 26wks is still said to be good. i know it's bad to think of not making it all the way but i do think of early labor and prematurity. terrible, terrible, i know...
then i think of our next u/s at 28wks. a very important one. the one that will definitively rule out CDH and anything else that could be wrong and would show on the u/s. i'm so terrified thinking of all that could go wrong at that u/s. yea, we have the babybeat and we hear the heartbeat every day but hearing the heartbeat doesn't rule out any birth defects. Mia's heartbeat was also perfect and she was always so active...the perfect little baby...everything was perfect except for the stupid CDH!
i just want the worrying to be over. i want to KNOW that the baby is perfect in every way. i want to hold my baby already...i want to take a breath and smell my baby in my arms. i want to hear my screaming baby being born. i want what was robbed of me and my precious baby girl, Mia.
