Merry Christmas from the Nuerotic Paranoid Schizophrenic
9:02 a.m. on December 17, 2005
amazingly enough this will not be a pregnancy post but a work post and it isn't a good one....sigh.
i'm officially labeling my library assistant a neurotic paranoid schizophrenic. we'll call her Neurotic. yes, i know, i have no creditials to "officially" label her that but in my book and from what i've witnessed the woman has lost it.
though it may sound it, i don't mean this name-calling maliciously in any way. i truly believe she constantly lives in fear that everyone is out to get her and her job. she's constantly telling me how certain people want her job and they're always trying to make her look bad. if they say "good morning" to her she wants to know "what they're up to" if they try to help her with the kids she gets defensive and tells them to "back off because she's been doing this for 12yrs." and now because i'm friends with them she thinks i've gone to the dark side and am out to get her too.
so now she's included me in this consipiracy theory and along with that she called me a liar when i tried to explain to her that her delusions were simply that. she wouldn't hear it...she called me a liar and walked away.
i was not only astounded at the conversation that took place (because it came out of nowhere) but also angry at what just came out of her mouth. i tried to keep my cool but i couldn't. i felt the tears of rage coming on and i quickly walked outside to get some fresh air. i ran into some coworkers (people my assistant thinks are heading the project "get her fired"). they noticed my state and quickly asked if something was wrong. i didn't want to get into the details and simply said, "i just had a very upsetting conversation and i just need some time to digest it. just watch the library for me."
of course, they wanted to know more and the details of the who, the what, and why but i didn't want to go into it nor did they need to know all about it either.
Neurotic threw in my face that she does her other job (textbook clerk) all by herself and that NO ONE EVER helps her do that. so are you saying i should help you do that since you help me in the library? your title is Library Assistant/Textbook clerk...THAT IS YOUR JOB!!! my title is librarian...not librarian/textbook assistant!!!
then she throws in my face me being friendly with certain people on campus specifically those she doesn't like. so, am i supposed to be friends with those that are your friends and not be friends with those that aren't? is it, i'm either your friend or theirs but not a friend to both? WTF?!?! i thought i WORKED at an elementary school not back in one!
i don't think i feel comfortable working with her anymore. i know that sounds drastic but this conversation (appropriately taken right before we left for our 2wk holiday vacation) has left me very concerned as to how i'll be able to work with her from now on.
things will certainly be different. i'll be reducing a lot, if not all, of her library duties. i'll take care of it all and leave her to deal with only the textbook stuff. i don't need her comments of how she does too much both in the library and with the textbooks ALL BY HERSELF thrown in my face. she's now only my coworker and nothing more. if i can't be her friend and a friend to everyone else on campus then i guess we're not friends but simply coworkers.
i'm giving it the rest of this year to see how well this will work with the new turn of events. i know she's not going to change...hell, she's convinced of her conspiracy theory and sticking to it. i know her neurotic paranoia will not change. so i hope i can learn to "get over it" or else it's off to another school...sigh.
